


Love Letter

by dainochild



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, M/M, Tumblr Ask Box Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-20
Updated: 2012-02-20
Packaged: 2017-11-14 10:17:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/514166
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dainochild/pseuds/dainochild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry receives a letter from Lord Voldemort calling to settle their differences. Complete crack.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Love Letter

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt was 'VOLDEMORT/HARRY'. Inspiration comes from Hark! A Vagrant comic #213.

Sixth year was a particularly terrible time in Harry’s life. At present, Ron was dating Lavender Brown, Hermione was constantly pissed off, Dumbledore was casually informing Harry of just how difficult it would be to kill Voldemort, Snape was a git and Ginny was dating some asshole who Harry happened to think was actually a really cool bloke.

To top it off, Harry received a letter on Valentine’s Day that was clearly not from Ginny, and therefore he was not interested. He opened it all the same. The letter smelt of French graveyards and read:

_Dear Harry Potter,_

_After some reflection, I’ve realised that the best way to live forever might just be to have you at my side. I realise that at the age of eleven you denied me this, but times change._

_I’m a big fan of anything that doesn’t die, and you’ve escaped me five times now. Clearly I must have you._

_Won’t you marry me and make me immortal?_

_xx Lord Voldemort_

_P.S. I drew you in a wedding dress._

The picture was shockingly photorealistic and made Harry’s eyes burn. For a long time, Harry just sat there, staring at the letter, not thinking. Finally, he managed a response: he screamed. He ripped the letter to shreds, set the shreds on fire and ran off to tell Dumbledore for a change because it was just that horrifying.

“Hmm,” Dumbledore thoughtfully said, “perhaps there could be benefits from that union…”

Harry screamed again.

**Author's Note:**

> Took about five minutes after I decided to rip off people far more talented than me.


End file.
